


It's Not Just Me

by ashandcas (ashriddle4)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Dean, Fanfiction Gap, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Frottage, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mostly Smut, Pining!Cas, Rimming, Top Castiel, tipsy sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 19:09:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4757642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashriddle4/pseuds/ashandcas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Cas plans on confessing his romantic feelings to Dean, he remembers the passionate but confusing night he spent with Dean in Rexford.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not Just Me

**Author's Note:**

> Quick warning: Dean and Cas have a had a bit to drink in one of the scenes, but they're not really drunk. 
> 
> There were like a million other things I should have been writing today, but this wouldn't leave me alone. Enjoy and let me know what you think!! Thanks!

Cas paced the hall in front of Dean’s room, mustering up his courage. He still had time to back out of this – to keep their relationship going as it had for years. However, Cas has begun to feel disingenuous. Like a liar. Every time he was with Dean and every time he called Dean his friend.

Fussing with the knot in his tie, he let out a stream of breath between his lips. What if he ruined everything? What if Dean didn’t want to be around him at all anymore? There was this weird voice in Cas’s head. _Dean is not sexually or romantically interested in men._ He has read the Supernatural books. _I don’t swing that way,_ Dean said on several occasions. Still, there was competing information. The way Dean looked at Cas, eyes blown wide. The sound of his voice when he said “I need you”. What happened that one night in Rexford.

 

_“Shh,” Dean had said as he slid his hand under Cas’s shirt. They’d already patched up Cas’s arm and emptied the honor bar. Dean smelled like liquor and motor oil. Cas thought he probably smelled like liquor and gas station nachos. He hoped he didn’t though._

_“Dean?”_

_“Shh,” Dean repeated. “It’s okay.” He ran calloused fingers back and forth beneath Cas’s navel, inching toward the waistband of Cas’s jeans. Cas’s mouth went dry. His cheeks burned hot, yet he shivered. Dean’s voice was grumbled as he said, “If you tell me t’ stop, I will. Promise.”_

_“I don’t – don’t,” that same old voice said,_ Castiel, don’t do this. You won’t come back from this. _Dean started to pull his hand away. Cas thought he might die if Dean let go._ “ _Don’t stop.”_

_“Won’t,” Dean mumbled against Cas’s shoulder. Dean’s thumb plucked open the button on his jeans, unzipped his fly. A broken breath crossed Cas’s lips. Dean stroked right at the edge of Cas’s boxers._

_“What, what are you doing?” Cas knew what Dean was doing. What he didn’t know was why – and for some reason, he couldn’t get his lips to form that question._

_“Just makin’ you feel good. That’s all.” Dean’s hand slipped beneath Cas’s boxers. It felt like all Cas’s nerves rushed to that one spot right above his dick. “Guys do this sometimes. To relax is all.”_

_Something about that didn’t sound accurate to Cas, but Cas didn’t know much about those things and he’d never wanted anything more than Dean’s hands on him like this – and he’d hardly realized it until now – the physical nature of his feelings toward Dean._

_Easily, Dean’s hand slid down the rest of the way and large fingers wrapped around Cas’s dick. Cas arched back and pushed into Dean’s grip – an unplanned, uncontrolled reaction._

_“Damn,” Dean growled, hand gripped with just the right amount of pressure, sliding up and down. “Feel good?”_

_Cas nodded. He wanted to say something, but he couldn’t remember how to talk. Dean was touching him. Touching his dick, his strong body angled into Cas._

_Dean’s thumb slid over the tip, pressing into the slit and coaxing out a drop of liquid. Cas found himself turning to look toward Dean, who was watching him with dark eyes and an open mouth._

_Slowly, Dean took Cas’s hand and brought it to the bulge in Dean’s jeans. Dean was well-endowed, but Cas knew that. Cas had rebuilt him. Still, it was so different touching it like this, touching it in a human body that belonged to him entirely._

_Cas gasped as Dean dropped his dick and pounced on Cas, rolling his hips against Cas’s dick. He wrestled at the button of his jeans and yanked them down over his legs. Dean tugged on Cas’s pants and Cas lifted up to help Dean remove them. Dean sat back, sat up, and tore his t-shirt off and tossed it onto the dirty motel carpet. His hands grappled at Cas’s buttons. He opened the shirt, but didn’t remove it. Breathless, Dean pressed his face into Cas’s neck. Cas perched his hands on Dean’s hips, sliding slowly down. Dean drew in breath deep and fast as Cas touched him._

_Maybe men handled each other sometimes, as a way to relax, but he didn’t think they went this far._

_As Dean rutted again Cas, everything felt so alive. Cas’s heart pounded, his breath came short and fast. Desire thrummed through him in a way he’d never experienced. It was so much, all at once, happening between them._

_Hands were everywhere, even with Cas’s make-shift cast. Dean ran his hand down Cas’s chest and pulled him up to get the shirt the rest of the way off. Fingers trailed down Cas’s arm, light, ghosted touches. Dean peeled Cas’s hand away from where it had moved to his neck, his Adam’s apple, and brought it in between them._

_Slotting their dicks together, Dean folded Cas’s hand around both of them and started to thrust. They ground together like that, not kissing, but foreheads touching, mouths hovering over each other. Dean held himself up with one arm and locked his other hand against the bed’s headboard._

_Cas loved the way Dean’s dick felt against his own, the catch and burn of it. Sticky and sweaty, they kept moving together until moving together felt natural, like they’d done it a thousand times before._

_Something was building and building and rising between them, hot and fiery, still not kissing but breathing into each other’s mouths._

_“Cas, Cas – so close.”_

_Cas’s balls started to tighten and he whimpered. Never, ever anything like this. This much._

_“You close, man?” Dean asked._

_Cas just tightened his fist around them both and bucked harder._

_“Cas!” Dean shouted. “Fuck.” And Dean’s dick twitched against Cas’s shooting come out over Cas’s hand and onto his stomach. Dean’s face wrenched in pleasure was enough to have Cas shouting and coming too._

_After a moment of stillness, their naked bodies still lined up, Dean rolled off Cas._

_“We should go to bed,” Dean said, softly, sliding under the covers. “Don’t you gotta work tomorrow?”_

_Cas nodded, his whole body felt numb and blissed out. He didn’t even know what he was nodding about, or what work was, or what tomorrow was._

_Dean slid under the covers naked and Cas followed his lead, still covered in come. It seemed like no time at all before Cas was falling asleep, exhausted in every single way._

_The next morning Dean was dressed and out of the bed before Cas even woke up. He was sitting on a chair by the window, tugging on his boots._

_“Better get ready before you’re late,” Dean said._

_Cas sat up and the sheets fell down around his waist. Dean was looking down, like he was trying to avoid seeing Cas bare like this. Cas climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom to shower off his and Dean’s release. He almost didn’t want to – wanted to leave it there as a reminder of what they’d made together._

_When Cas got dressed, he met Dean near the door. Dean was not looking at him. “So, uh, last night. That was fun,” Dean said._

_Fun? Earth-shattering? Soul-bending? But no, just fun, Dean said._

_“Um, yes.”_

_“Good.” Dean clapped him on the shoulder. “Glad I could help you out buddy.”_

_Buddy?_

_“Let’s get you to work,” Dean said. “Gotta be heading out.”_

_So Dean drove him to work, said goodbye and drove away with all the broken pieces of Cas’s heart._

 

Before Cas realized what he was doing, he was knocking on Dean’s bedroom door.

“Come in,” came Dean’s quick reply.

Steadying himself, Cas turned the handle and stepped through the threshold. Dean was sitting on his bed, cleaning one of his guns.

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean looked up at Cas. “What’s up?”

Cas scratched at the back of his head. “I wanted to talk to you.”

Patting his hand on the bed, Dean said, “Shoot.”

Cas approached Dean carefully, heart picking up his pace, that strange feeling growing and pulsing under his ribs. Cas sat down on the bed then angled himself toward Dean.

“Everything alright?” Dean asked.

“Look, Dean- I’m, I’m not sure how to say this. It’s just – I can’t keep, I can’t pretending. It’s killing me.”

Dean looked at Cas more intensely, brow furrowed.

“We’ve never talked about it,” Cas continued. “What happened in Rexford?”

“Oh.”

“Well, I want to.”

“Dude, I’m sorry about that, okay? It was just something that happened. We were both a little drunk and I shouldn’t have come onto you. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

All the blood drained out of Cas’s face. “Oh, yes, well.”

“We’re friends,” Dean said. If Cas didn’t know better, he would have said Dean sounded uncertain.

Cas stood up and made his way back to the door. “Yes, Dean.” But he’d come all the way here to finally tell the truth and the truth wasn’t about Dean returning his feelings. He’d already known that would not happen. Somewhere, he’d always known that. Still, Cas deserved to say his piece. Deserved, at least, to ask.

When Cas turned around, he jumped back. Dean was standing inches behind him.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Dean said, running a hand over his face.

“Do what?”

“Lie to you.”

A hand moved to Cas’s cheek, rough and sure. Cas tensed under the touch. Dean tilted his head and leaned in pressing his lips against Cas’s. Immediately, Cas grabbed Dean’s t-shirt and pulled him closer. Dean nipped against Cas’s bottom lip. He pulled back briefly then came back in for a soft peck.

Dean cupped Cas’s face with both hands. “Tell me,” his voice was a crackled whisper. “Tell me, that it’s not just me.”

“It’s not just you.”

Cas kissed Dean again.

They backed up against bed. They peeled clothes away from each other’s body a piece at a time so they could explore each other. Cas left kisses on the bridge of Dean’s foot, along his shin, his thighs, memorizing as he went the constellations of freckles. Cas pressed Dean back against bed, once again feeling skin against skin. Touching as much of each other as they could. They kissed with teeth. They kissed with lips. With tongue.

Cas worked his way to Dean’s dick and licked up it, pulling it into his mouth and sucking softly just to have the weight on his tongue. Dean hands petted his hair softly.

“You feel – I wanted this. Wanted it like this.”

Cas pulled away enough to say. “Me too. Always.”

Dean whined when Cas moved his mouth away from Dean’s dick, but Cas had more of that beautiful map to unravel. Cas pulled at Dean’s legs, trying to coax them apart, but Dean just locked up. His eyes were wide, almost scared.

“Dean? What’s wrong?” Cas placed a kiss to Dean’s hip.

“That’s – I don’t know – isn’t that weird?”

“I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do, Dean, but I can’t tell you how much I want to see that part of you. To touch and taste it.”

“Oh god, Cas.”

“May I?”

Dean paused but then nodded and spread his legs.

“Tell me if you don’t like something. I’m not very experienced.”

“With this,” Dean said, “Me either.”

Cas finally looked down. Dean didn’t have much hair anywhere on his body, but he did have a light layer of dark gold curls around his dick and between his thighs. As soon as Cas saw Dean’s pink and tight entrance, he had to touch it.

Just as his fingers skimmed there, Dean clamped his legs together again.

“Dean? Would you like me to stop?”

“No. I just, it was a reflex.” Dean opened his legs again and Cas returned to his exploration. Slowly, Cas slid further down and brought his tongue between Dean’s legs. When Cas licked between his legs, he was surprised by Dean thrusting toward his mouth.

“Sorry,” Dean said, backing up. “Feels…nice.”

“It’s okay. May I continue?”

“Go for it.”

So Cas kept licking Dean, pressing the tip of his tongue in while rubbing himself against the edge of Dean’s mattress. He was hard from the touching and the sounds and the taste of Dean.

Without a word, Dean started rattling around in his nightstand drawer. Moments later, he was pushing a small bottle of lubricant into Cas’s hands. Cas looked up at Dean, wondering if he was really asking for, what Cas thought he was.

“You know how?”

After that night in Rexford, when Cas would get really desperate, he’d watch porn on his phone, and almost always between two men. This was something he had seen many times.

“Yes, Dean.”

With lube slick fingers, Cas opened Dean up, coaxing rumbling moans and groans from those wet, swollen lips. One finger, then two, then three, pumping in and out and rocking against Dean’s prostate. The squeeze was tight and warm. Cas adored it.

“Can’t, so much, Cas. So, can’t believe you’re here. Can’t believe you’re touching me like this.”

Cas kissed the inside of Dean’s thigh. “Want to touch you everywhere, Dean. In every single way two people can touch…I think you’re ready Dean.”

Dean swallowed and hauled Cas up toward him. Cas distracted Dean with a soft, long kiss as he started to press in. This, this was what Cas had waited so long for. He couldn’t believe it had taken them so long to get to this perfect place, but at the same time he’d wait forever to get here because being this close to Dean, being inside Dean, was worth it. Worth another million years.

They were still kissing when Cas could sink into the heat no further.

“God, you’re huge, Cas. Damn.”

“Does it hurt?”

“No.” Dean pecked Cas’s lips. “Not at all.”

“Good.” Cas didn’t want to hurt Dean. Too much had hurt Dean. Cas wanted to treat him the way he’d always deserved to be treated. Like the beginning and the end. Like spun gold, like bright stars.

Dean nibbled softly on Cas’s ear and shuddered. “But you can totally move.”

So Cas pulled out and pressed back in. Dean met him there easily. Cas suddenly felt so assured that Dean would always meet him there, that from this day on they would always meet each other.

As their movements sped up and they became too wound up to kiss, Dean started chanting his name over and over until,

“Castiel!” Dean yelled and came all over him self, clenching around Cas’s dick.

Dean never called him Castiel, which was more than fine, but something about that real name on Dean’s lips. Remarkable.

“Dean, Dean I –“

“Yeah, that’s good. Come inside me. Want you to so bad.”

Cas would always give Dean whatever he desired. Cas kissed Dean as he poured into him.

When Cas sunk down exhausted, going soft inside Dean. Dean’s arms wrapped around him tight, just hugging him. He was surprised by the gesture.

“Don’t move yet.”

“I’ll stay, Dean.”

There was a long pause and then Dean spoke quietly, “Cas?”

“What is it?”

“Can we like not say goodbye this time?”

“On one condition,” Cas replied.

“What’s that?”

“We never say goodbye again.”

Dean smiled. “You’ve got a deal.”

 

 


End file.
